A bunch of Random Dialogues
by Muten Azuki
Summary: A bunch of Random Dialogues. Flaming is welcome. Rated T in-case people are easily offended by dry humor.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Edward Elric (that sounds so wrong), Alphonse Elric, or any other FMA characters. Hiromu Arakawa owns everything, and I own nothing. I am but a lowly peasant who was lucky enough to have an Eee Pc handy while thinking of horribly dry humor based on a great cast of characters. NOW, FLAME AWAY!!!!

And now that we are past the formalities…

Chapter/Dialogue 1

An elevator Ride to Remember

Ed: (Steps into an open elevator)

Man: What floor?

Ed: Four.

Man: (mumbles to self) Yeah, cause you really need to go up…

Ed: What was that?! Were you making a reference towards my gigantism?!

Man: Of course not, it is rude to pick on children. (steps out of elevator)

Ed: Yeah, you better run.

Woman: (steps into elevator) Oh heavens no!! Some horrible mother left her poor defenseless child in an elevator!

Ed: WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT THEY NEED A LADDER TO REACH THE EMERGENCY CALL BUTTON?!?!!

Woman: Aww… isn't he so cute? Here let me take you to the police station that way you can find your mommy.

Ed: Hey!! Don't grab me; I don't need your help...No, No, Nooooo...!!!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter/Dialogue 2

The Secret Behind the Black Fabric Encasing The Colonel's Eye

Ed: You look so dumb wearing that eye patch, how'd ya get it?

Roy: Everyone thinks that I got shot in the eye, but that's a lie.

Ed: So how did you get it?

Roy: At the Xingeese black market.

Ed: You went to a black market just for an eye patch?

Roy: Of course not. This eye patch is more than just a stylish piece of black fabric.

Ed: So what does it do?

Roy: I am so glad that you asked. It is a three in one device. It tells me which women are free for the night, it is an ex-ray device allowing me to see below a woman's clothing, and it has a GPS.

Ed: That is so disgusting!

Roy: What?!

Ed: You actually need a GPS?!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter/Dialogue 3

The 9 O'clock News

Riza: And now to our animal shelter expert.

Breda: (Points towards the cutest puppies in the world) Please, please, please take these horrible beasts away from my beautiful shelter! They scare me.

Riza: Thank you Breda, and now to the Most Wanted List.

Scar: It appears that on Tuesday,a large man was seen murdering a state alchemist on Fallman Street. The Culprit is still at large and is said to wear long black pants, a jacket, some black sunglasses, has a large x-shaped scar, and they are said to smell like a sewer. If you or anyone you know has any information on this horrible beast of our society, your help would be appreciated.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter/Dialogue 4

Birth of The Flame Alchemist

Riza: So Roy, how exactly did you become so obsessed with fire?

Roy: When I was younger, my parents were very mean to me. They always said that I would amount to nothing, and made fun of my ambitions. At my birthdays I would be hung up like a piñata, and beaten by the other children. Rage began to build up inside of me until I proceeded to burn down my parent's house with a few matches, lit cigarettes, and a piña colada candle. After that, I was abandoned by my parents, some creepy lady adopted me, and I met you.

Riza: Why piña colada?

Roy: We were out of tropical breeze.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter/Dialogue 5

Ed listens to the Radio

Al: Brother, will you stop changing the channel? Maybe some people want to listen to Boom Boom Pow by the greatest band in the world, The Black Eyed Peas.

Ed: I hate that song.

Al: No. the truth is that you have a short attention span isn't it. Isn't it!

Ed: It is not SHORT...It's called music A.D.D.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter/Dialogue 6

Help is Desperately Needed

Random Bystander: (Runs towards Ed) Hey dude, I was short on gas so I started heading towards the nearest gas station, but it turns out that I was short on cash, so I was going to call home so someone would pick me up, but my phone is short on minutes, so I started to walk towards the closest bank, but because I have short term memory loss, I forgot how to get there so I came to ask you. Ohh, and I'm short on time so could you hurry?

Ed: I DARE YOU TO SAY 'THAT' ONE MORE TIME!

Random Bystader: Okay, I'll start over again. Hey dude, I was short on-

Ed: (Punches Guy in face, while flailing arms in air uncontrollably) WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT, THAT THEY ARE MISTAKEN AS A GARDEN GNOME ON THEIR ON FRONT LAWN?!?!!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter/Dialogue 7

Wii Fit

Al: Nooooo...!

Ed: Why are you yelling so loud? It hurts my delicately huge ears.

Al: Wii fit still thinks that I'm overweight; I still haven't lost a single pound

Ed: You're just doing it wrong, because that machine is a smarter than anything I know.

Al: Why do you say that?

Ed: The other day it said that I must've grown taller!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter/Dialogue 8

New Baby

Trisha: Honey, do you want to talk to the baby?

Unnamed father whose face is not shown until later chapters (UFWFINSULC): Nah, it'll just end up a disappointment like the first one.

Trisha: How could you say that?! Just because he is smaller than the average child doesn't mean that he is of lesser value.

UFWFINSULC: You're asking me such a question, while you talk of him as if he were a quarter machine prize!

Trisha: I do not!

Ed: Why are Mommy and Dadda yelling?

UFWFINSULC: (Gets down on Ed's level…waaay down) Don't worry, I'm just telling her the many reasons why I will be leaving her, thus causing you and your younger clone to have no hope in life whatsoever.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter/Dialogue 9

To Challenge the Lavatory

Ed: Ughh… You're lucky, Al.

Al: Why is that?

Ed: It smells, the only magazines in here are outdated, and we are out of two ply.

Al: Why don't you just use the moist wipes?

Ed: I would but…

Al: But what?

Ed: I can't reach the container.


	10. Chapter 10

**CAUTION!!!**** The following material can be found offensive to all whom are easily offended, like yaoi, like RoyEd, hate the KKK, don't like Family Guy, Have homosexual friends or family. If these characteristics apply to you, do not proceed any further. You have been warned, and cannot find the author at fault for your idiocy. This literature was not censored by the 4Kids editing company. Therefore it is still worth reading.**

**Otherwise…Enjoy and scroll down to the material **

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Ed: I just want to tell you one thing. (Turns to Roy with overly earnest eyes)

Roy: What? It better not have anything to do with last week's explosions!

Ed: No (looks down at the ground while contemplating how to continue the conversation)

Roy: Then what is it

Ed: Never mind

Roy: I must know (Moves closer towards Ed while on the little green bench in the park in Amestris while holding a box of chocolates)

Ed: Okay I'll tell you

Roy: I'm listening (sings this out loud)

Ed: I love y—

(The KKK barge in and kill all yaoi lovers for writing such horrible garbage, which is so grotesque that even the creator of dead baby jokes turns in his grave)

Big fat KKK member: We kills' all worshipers of boy love… now… Stay in skoo

Why isn't there a dead baby in a microwave? They can only fit in Ed

WHO YOU CALLIN' SMALLER THAN A DEAD BABIE'S DILAPIDATED CARCASS?!!!!!GRRRRR…

**If you found this slightly offensive, then you should no longer watch Family Guy. Otherwise you are a bloody hypocrite.**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter/Dialogue 11

Micheal Meets Ed

Michael Jackson: Hey little boy, do you like my nose?

Ed: No, no I don't. In fact I hate it. And you better not call me little again.

Michael Jackson: Well that is too bad. I've already had 97 plastic surgeries.

Ed: Well maybe it's time for 98.

Michael Jackson: Hey I have a great idea

Ed: What? Can you stop Pedo-smilling, it's creeping me out?

Michael Jackson: Come with me to my little boy farm that resides in Neverland. We'll have lots of fun there.

Ed: WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT SOME IDIOT, WHO SITS AT HOME WATCHING POKEMON WHILE EATING FOUR FULL-SIZED BAGS OF STALE DORITOES WOULD DEVOTE AN ENTIRE FOUR MINUTES TO WRITE AN ENTIRE PARAGRAPH OF A RANT FOR ME.


End file.
